Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
