well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
