So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
accomplished twins. life is a go
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
