Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
