My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
