God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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