I love black thongs
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
