why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
