I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize