I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
