He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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