i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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