"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
