you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
