So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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