Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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