So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
