Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
