I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
