WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
whose parrot is this?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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