guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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