She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
