There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
