News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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