A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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