I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize