He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
