im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
