your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
