I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
