never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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