Do you still have your period?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
