Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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