I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
