HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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