Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
