:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you didnt know i had herpes?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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