I only kidnapped one of them. chill
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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