"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
