Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
