Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
