we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
