Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
