Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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