This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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