There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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