well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
