There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
