just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
