im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
And then he peed in my hair
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