It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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