You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
accomplished twins. life is a go
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
