Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
