Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
