i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
