I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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