it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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