I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
