the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
