I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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