Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have post one night stand depression
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
