He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
