I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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