I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
