dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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