He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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