Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I just shit out all my problems.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
