dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
