I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
